UNDER THE BUSH…A Mom’s Unthinkable Act

I am mom to a precious child who is suffering through mental illness and substance abuse. She cries for help but refuses to receive the help she is given. I cry to my Jesus nearly every minute of these long, hard days. Jesus, help me take one more step. Help me make the next phone call. Take away my guilt for not protecting my daughter. Fill out all these forms for me, Jesus. Father give me the words to say. Holy Spirit pray for me. Father, hold me, I just can’t do this anymore. And he does.

 When you have a child who is suffering, the emotions are intense. Children cannot advocate for themselves. They don’t have the means to find help. There is a constant fear and foreboding that something is going to happen. Something that will disrupt your peace. And the wash of anxiety and the trembling that arrives when you discover again that your child is being disobedient or made another poor choice. 

 I often ask God, “Why do I have to watch this?” In the depths of my heart, I become very selfish. “That was MY carton of peanut butter chocolate ice cream she left to melt on her bed!” or “I paid for that conference and now I’m not going because I’m in the ER with my daughter.” A resentment begins to build as your limited self-care time is stolen by a poor choice your child made. When the resentment begins to overwhelm me, I turn to Scripture. Philippians 3:14 tells me to press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Jesus Christ. I can do the hard things with God’s power in me.

I find time to squeeze in a warm bath, a cup of coffee, a phone call to a friend who listens without judgement. I choose carefully who I share with so one, I don’t have to remember who I told what and two, my daughter is not the center of every conversation. I have lots of other interests outside of her! The most important piece of my self-care plan is to talk to my therapist weekly. Finding professional help for yourself is critical to maintaining yourself and your sanity. We were never meant to do life in isolation.

People ask me how I “do it”. I don’t. God does.

Motherhood rarely takes the path that we desire.  When we hold that precious little child in our arms, our mind never wanders to potential heartache. Instead, our hearts are filled with hopes and dreams that we have for our children.

The story from Julie is one she never dreamt she would write.  When she brought her daughter home from the hospital, her heart was filled with all the hopes and dreams that all mothers have for their children.  

There is a mother in the Old Testament who walked this same road.  Her son was born out of heartache but her dreams for her son were still filled with hope and wonder.  Her name is Hagar, and her son is Ishmael.

Ishmael was the product of an adulterous relationship Abraham had with his slave, Hagar. This adulterous affair was encouraged by his barren wife Sarah as she schemed to have her own son.

When Ishmael was 17, he and Hagar were kicked out of the camp because of disobedience. The scripture states…

“But Sarah saw Ishmael-the son of Abraham and her Egyptian servant Hagar – making fun of her son, Isaac. So, she turned to Abraham and demanded, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son.  He is not going to share in the inheritance with my son, Isaac.  I won’t have it!” Genesis 21:9,10 NLT

Ishmael had an attitude toward Isaac that I’m sure that Hagar had tried to correct. Sarah had an attitude toward Ishmael that only God could correct.

As Hagar and Ishmael journeyed in the wilderness, their provisions began to run low. Once the water was gone, Hagar sat Ishmael under a bush.  She knew he was going to die, and she couldn’t bear the thought of watching this, so she walked away.

Did you catch that? She walked away from her dying son! She did the unthinkable. There was nothing more that she could do for him so she walked away!

Julie, asks the same question, “Why do I have to watch this?”

Watching our children struggle with their own choices and the consequences of those choices is one of the most agonizing things for a mother. Sometimes we must walk away!

So, why did Hagar place her son under the bush and walk away?

Why didn’t she stay near him to comfort him?

She knew that she could no longer help him.

She knew that she had done all that she could do.

So, she released him.

She put him under a bush.

She let go!

When I thought of the story of Julie, I saw a parallel to the story of Hagar and Ishmael. I am confident that Hagar had reached the point of not knowing anything else to do for her son but to sit him under a bush. She had prayed for water to replenish his body but there was no well to draw from. As mother’s, we often pray for our hurting children to find replenishment for their souls, but the well has run dry. We deal with anger towards our children for their poor choices just like I’m sure Hagar dealt with the anger towards Ismael of his attitude towards Isaac.

Hagar may have been angry with herself questioning if she should have raised him differently. Maybe if she had dealt with his attitude more directly, she would not have had to place her son under the bush. But going down the road of “what if’s” does not remove our child from that bush. The reality is they are perishing while we watch from afar.

As we watch…

Jehovah Jireh…the Lord Will Provide!

Under the bush, God provides!

“But God heard the boy crying and the angel of God call to Hagar from heaven, ‘Hagar, what’s wrong? Do not be afraid! God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. Go to him and comfort him…’”            Genesis 21:17, 18 NLT

Listen to this…

“Then God opened Hagar’s eyes, and she saw a well full of water. She quickly filled her water container and gave the boy a drink.” Genesis 19:20

Placing our child under the bush is one of the most difficult things that we can do as mothers.

We see their hurt, their agony, their self-destructive behavior…

Our water supply is empty…we have given every emotion, every tear, every ounce of love that we know to give.

We are now standing from afar watching them navigate their own pain as best we can.

But their lives are no longer in our hands. Their lives are in the One who created them.

While under the bush, God provided!

Is it time to place your child under the bush so God can provide for them?